4 posts tagged “rant”
I have officially found the worst song of 2006. I'd post it here for you to listen to, but I don't want to pay the 99¢ for the song to give record companies and the artist the allusion that I'm supporting them with this one.
Heck, iTunes's 30 second preview is all that you really need, anyhow.
Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, in the category of just plain bad song, I humbly present submit
Fergie's London Bridge. From the horrible beat to the assinine lyrics, this song has absolutely nothing.
In the last two days, I've heard two NPR interviews with Geoffrey Nunberg, author of Talking Right: How Conservatives Turned Liberalism into a Tax-Raising, Latte-Drinking, Sushi-Eating, Volvo-Driving, New York Times-Reading, Body-Piercing, Hollywood-Loving, Left-Wing Freak Show.
Needless to say, they infuriated me. Not because I disagree with Mr. Nunberg's research and opinions, but because they're so spot-on. The right gets to define everything because the left in the United States can't communicate worth shit and damnit, I've had enough of it.
It's time to redefine the left as "in-touch" instead of "out-of-touch." Because, lets face it, the left aren't the ones denying the detained due process in Guantanamo, illegally spying on your communications, or getting indicted for criminal conspiracy. What does it say about the USA if these people are the ones considered "in-touch" with our values?
I watched the US team's defeat at the World Cup live this morning and there was only one thing more painful than watching the US team's performance: ESPN's coverage of the game. Here's what they have to learn:
(1) No more color. The color commentary is painfully boring, repetitious, and obvious. You can try to ignore it, but no matter what, you end up hearing it. Here's an idea: try doing play-by-play. It identifies the tiny bodies on the field and connects you to the players. They do it on Spanish TV and even though I don't speak the language, it makes the game really enjoyable.
(2) Wait, two guys doing color? So take (1) and double it. Two guys doing color and no one doing play-by-play. Twice the pain, none of the gain. This isn't baseball, where you need to fill the gaps between plays. There's action going on; don't ignore it, work with it! There's a wealth of things going on to comment on.
(3) Enough with the stats. The stats are painfully annoying too. They fuel (1) and (2), and not in a good way. I heard no less than three different stats pointing to why the US team will loose. Ouch. And then you flashed them up on screen, in case we didn't hear you. C'mon, people are rooting for them to win, not justifying their impending loss!
ASIDE: Looking into the crowds, it didn't look like the US fans were in tune either. More than a few times I saw them taking pictures of themselves when the team really needed their support, especially in the second half. Sadly, it felt like there was more support for the team in a bar in SF than there in Nürnburg.
Marketing people of the world, hear me! Please, please, don't use the word "merchandise" when describing a line of products.
Why?
Because nothing makes me think "crap" more than the word "merchandise." It's so amazingly generic that it says to me "we didn't know what else to call it." When I hear the word "merchandise," I think of a guy on the street with a fold-up card table, wearing a gray suit coat, fake gold jewelery, and cheap shades—not to mention the awful buzz cut spiked hair cut. "Merchandise" is shady—avoid it at all costs!
It's only used by people that are trying to sell you crap. Your buddies never wave you over to show you the latest "merchandise" they bought last weekend, do they?
Be creative. Use words like "stuff," "gear," or, if all else fails, admit the truth, own up to the fact that you're hocking crap and call it "junk." Your honesty would be so refreshing that you might just make a sale or three.
(This post brought to you by the fine folks at Disney, who placed a sign over their Disney Store at Union Square in SF stating that it was the place to get official Cars merchandise [paraphrased].)
